2016, Good Bye!
2016 was the worst for me. Not because Red faced Satan was elected president, it was the year that I realized I will not live forever.
My father died on January 7, 2016 of a heart attack. It was sudden, just the day before he called me wondering where water was coming from because he was hearing it running. My father and I had a difficult relationship, but after I turned 40 and he became sicker, I didn’t get as angry with him anymore. I grew up a little and he mellowed out a lot. The death of a parent is a slow aching pain..it gets better but not really. I dream about him, I sometimes hear his voice, I think about things he liked to eat, or times he told me funny things. My father swore, A LOT, if you knew him his language was colorful, sometimes it was funny, sometimes it would cut you to core, but he was my father. I look more like him then my mother, he shaped who I am, good and bad. There is not a day that goes by that I do not miss him.
I had bed bugs this year. Bed..fucking…bugs! I do not wish bedbugs on my worst enemy. The bedbugs aren’t as bad as the idea of them, in your bed, in your furniture, crawling on you and sucking your blood while you sleep and going back in their holes, never to know they are there until the next time. All I will say about the bugs is, I haven’t seen them in over 10 months and I hope to God they are all dead. The paranoia is worse then the fucking bugs.
I was fired in 2015 from a job I loved. It did more to destroy my self confidence than any nasty remark anyone has made about my weight or any dig my dad made about me. For once I thought I had a job that I was good at and liked, but as always, I fucked it up. Now, I do give some responsibility to my boss, she was slicker then hair grease and I witnessed her do what she did to me to three other coworkers, two of which I begged her not to fire. But, to know that she would do the same thing to me was devastating. So, I picked up the pieces of my life, started driving uber full time and moved on. In the meantime, I applied and interviewed for three jobs I really wanted. Two of those jobs I almost got, of course I didn’t get them…because of that I am still hustling uber, the freedom has been phenomenal, but that is another blog post.
Donald Trump was elected President of the United States on my 43rd birthday. I think he will be the worst president ever and he will usher in the apocalypse. That’s all the energy I am giving to him today.
I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and High Blood Pressure. I have been heavy much of my life, and I knew the day was coming, i just wish it wasn’t at 42. Diabetes runs in my family and my love of all things sweet and carbs, it was just a matter of time. I knew I was sick but refused to acknowledge it for more then a year. I had the worst yeast infection ever and I had to pee all the time…all the FUCKING time. Finally in May, I put my big girl panties on and went to the doctor. The news wasn’t good but I dealt with it..It is still difficult and I am not having the easiest time with losing weight, watching carbs, exercising, and keeping my blood sugar down…but I try.
My only wish for 2017 is that I make it through, keep working, finish graduate school, and find my place in the world. Now, if I win the lottery, that will be awesome, but I am not holding my breath.